a realistic dose of cynicism


my blog and Twitter: not biffles


Sadly, I’ve largely abandoned my post here at my blog. It’s not that I don’t have anything to blog about, though. My mind is perpetually filled with random, disorganized thought. Think of it as a modified game of Plinko (remember that?) where you drop the… round thing into a tube and it makes its way into one of several bins.

A blog post happens when one of those bins ends up being too full, and writing will be my way of processing and emptying that bin. Sometimes the $1000 bin fills up and you get a nice, quality post. Once in a very long while, the $10000 bin seems to be overflowing and then you get an epic post like this.

But at the same time, you can just as easily fill up a $0 bin… and make a post out of that. Those are usually thrown to the wayside, forgotten and run over by the storms of people that flock to your blog for one of those $10000 posts.

What’s the point? …maybe blogging is like a game of Plinko.

But the real culprit here is Twitter; truly, madly, deeply, I blame you.

Instead of waiting for those bins to fill up and overflow in a series of merely-acceptable blogposts, each bin is emptied as soon as one of those… round things (what are they called?!) falls in. And a tweet is born.

As a result, the currently favored method of relieving my repressed narcissism is no longer a well-thought post on my blog. These individual plinks (maybe that’s what you call them!) don’t have time to coalesce themselves into a well-written, interesting, informative, and slightly cynical series of paragraphs.

They are instead smattered into an unorganized, chaotic cesspool, known to us as Twitter.

Thank goodness.


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The idiot’s guide to Twitter. (in 140 characters or less)

You know, there was once a time that I thought Twitter users (tweeters?) were robots with nothing better to do. Like,

_twitter.send(“is now eradicating all human life on Earth!”, “from TwitterFon”)

_twitter.send(“is doing the robot because all the humans are dead. no wait, the robo-boogie.”, “from web”)

And you know, it’s still true.

Twitter… I’m not sure why it’s so addicting. Maybe it’s just like Facebook’s status update feature or your AIM/GChat status… on drugs. Drugs?! I mean like NyQuil. The effect is the same… I guarantee you won’t be doing anything productive for the next eight hours.

I can’t really explain it. But here’s a list of reasons YOU! should try Twitter:

Do you like changing your AIM/GChat status?
I mean, a lot?

Do you think you have “cool” or “witty” or pensive and profound messages?

Do you wish you could keep a record of all these updates so that you and others can see just how cool you are? Twitter is for you.

Twitter also occupies an important social networking niche. The hierarchy, in increasing impersonality: meeting robot-to-robot, video chat, talking on the phone, instant message, TWITTER!!, email, snail mail, telegraph, hand-written, hand-delivered letter attached to a basket of food.

How do you think that robot updated his Twitter feed while he was eradicating all human life? It’s obvious – you can tweet from your phone! iPhone! Blackberry!

Take pictures of your post-apocalyptic aftermath, and upload to Twitter! You can even specify your latitudinal and longitudinal coordinates with the iPhone’s built-in GPS. That way, your robot brothers (ro-bros?) will know exactly where your wake of destruction begins and ends. It’s all about efficiency.

Say you’re a robot and you’re surfing the web. Do you wish you could share links of cool things you find?

I mean, I guess you could stuff all of them in an away message, but that’s just crazy.

It’s yet another medium to stalk other robots on. and it’s one-way authorization! you can follow any robot you want, without having them to execute their approval directive!

now let’s see, number of ways to stalk other robots… facebook, twitter, instant message, email, AND the standard optical zooming module. just plain awesome.

But we’re missing the true purpose of Twitter.

It’s a service designed to answer one question… “what are other robots doing?” I mean, you could just talk to them… meet up with them, call them up, send them IM or email… or just save yourself the necessary attention and the hassle and read their Twitter feed.

Yeah, so give it a shot.

And then drop me a line via your [TWITTER FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE]

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