Red envelopes and carrot cake.

Unless you’re a visitor from Alpha Centauri, Mars, Russia, or any other extraterrestrial territories, you’ll have seen me in person. You’ll also have noticed that I am… what’s the word? Oh, right. I am very Asian.

Although most Asians make good friends and companions, they also have an unexplicable, almost-ubiquitous genetic predisposition for developing largely superficial relationships with their extended family members. That is, they don’t chat about their hobbies, school/work, friends, etc. They do, however, talk extensively about the weather, gas prices, and how much they love carrot cake. But I digress.

I recently celebrated my 21st birthday. If I wasn’t Asian (actually, if I were a white person), my extended family would throw birthday parties for me up until I was too cool for them. They’d also bring me hastily-wrapped carrot cake that would both surprise and delight me in their thoughtfulness. (My parents, siblings, and friends can still do that, by the way)

Unfortunately for me, my extended family is Asian, and since we talk only about superficial matters (if at all), they have no idea what to get me for my birthday. If I were a white person, I’d get a gift card to a certain electronics boutique (which shall remain nameless), or even worse, a carrot cake. But this isn’t the case. They hand me Chinese-looking red envelopes filled with carrot cake…err, cash.

Fortunately for me… and my extended family… and my future extended family, this is a common practice in Chinese culture; giving cash in lieu of carrot cake. The most stress we get over the holiday season is at the ATM when a hobo tries to swipe your money as it’s coming out of the machine.

Not that I mind, anyway. In fact, this practice is so common, it’s a zero-sum game. If I give you money, I’m destined to get it all back from you later anyway.

So those red envelopes you’ll getting soon… yeah. Might as well take it and buy some carrot cake, freeze it, and then to give them that carrot cake later, to show that you know them well enough that you know they love carrot cake.

Well, except if they hate carrot cake.

Filed under: uncategorized, asian, gifts